By TDSpartan
A Chris Brown/Rihanna style beating has seen the Essendon Football Club planted firmly on the back foot on the verge of round 11, but we must forge our way onwards against the Body Barrel Crows this Sunday afternoon at Jihad Stadium.

5 wins, 5 losses, and a percentage that is slipping dangerously close to Brendan Fevola’s IQ. After 10 rounds we find ourselves in Richmond’s much cherished position of 9th. But this is not Richmond. Essendon has never accepted mediocrity, and never will. The red and blacks absence from action in September has been far too long. Will our glorious leader Matthew Knights lead us into September for the first time since 2004? Or will the lands proudest club once again be forced to watch the business end of the year from the sidelines? Time will tell. One thing is for sure though, if we want to stamp ourselves as a legitimate finals contender, this is the type of game that needs to be won.

Recent History

Ever since the dark day in 2006 at Football Park which saw Essendon annihilated by 138 points, results have been split down the middle with the “My sister is my mother” Crows. Essendon were victorious in both matches in 07, however the Crows took the chocolates home in both 08 encounters. The most recent game, at the then named Telstra Dome, saw a comfortable 58 point victory to Adelaide.

Recent Form

Last week Essendon had footballs toughest job. No, not Caroline Wilson’s stylist, but facing the Geelong juggernaut. The young bombers faltered, managing only one quarter of competitive football, taking place when the game was well and truly iced. The previous weeks performance against competition laughing stock Richmond was not much better. The gaping chasm of skill difference between the respective opposition was the difference between a 7 goal win and a 10 goal defeat.

Adelaide started the season poorly, but have built up some momentum following impressive back to back home victories against Carlscum and Whorethon.

As a side plot, it is another milestone game for the Crows. Tyson Edwards, a man who outside of South Australia would probably only be notable for having a champion heavyweight boxer as his first name, plays his 300th. Tyson may not be as flashy as Mcleod, or as tough as Ricciuto, but he has been a great servant of the Adelaide Football Club, and the Crows will be giving their all for him. Adelaide’s milestone record speaks for itself, with only one (Mark Bickley) game lost. It is a great effort, and sadly something that the EFC appears to be allergic to.

Ruck

There is a possible chance of showers on Sunday, this is bad news. If the roof on Jihad Stadium is closed, Ryder will have to curb his leap for fear of hitting his head.

I have not seen much of Adelaide ruckman Moron, however I expect Ryder to expose him with his leap (even when curbed) and his mobility around the ground. The problem is when he tires. Essendon has no backup ruckman in the squad. Hille, HatchPenis (Laycock), and Bellchambers are all injured. There is no point elevating Bock, however it is rumoured that he is on standby to replace any of the goalposts should Neagle accidently walk into one of them.

Despite his heroics on ANZAC day, Ryder cannot ruck the whole game by himself. Expect the Prostitute (Hooker) to pinch hit, giving Paddy some relief, as was done against Brisbane.

Forwards

My eyes will be on the young power forward, the Leviathan, the Smeagol, the Son of Merv. Jay Neagle’s performance was a shining light in the murky sea of manure that was our forward line against the Pussies: 3 goals and 7 marks from extremely limited opportunities. As stated by a blitzer earlier this week, Neagle is on the verge of tearing a game apart. If Neagle gets adequate delivery against Adelaide, he will punish them on the scoreboard. His accuracy in front of goal (9.1) is in stark contrast to his teammates this year. He will most likely get either Bock or Rutten, with the remainder picking up Lloyd.

Speaking of the skipper, prepare for a big one. Unfairly jeered by clowns against the Cats, our midfield capitulation yielded Lloyd no delivery. This week should prove a different story, expect Lloyd to provide a valuable lead up target, and chip in with a few goals as well.

Scott Lucas makes his return to the seniors after a four week stint in Bendigo to recapture some form, hopefully he can kick a few. Most likely, Neagle will spend most of time in the forward 50, with Lucas and Lloyd spending more time leading up the ground. Doubt that all three will be on the ground at the same time much.

Midfield

Winderlich is a big loss. His run and carry was vital. But to replace him, and making his anticipated debut for the EFC, is Brent Prismall. The Prism made his name in the elite midfield of Geelong in 08, where he seized his opportunity with both hands before getting cut down with injury. Taken at the bargain price of pick 39, it is hoped that Prismall will add some class to the Essendon midfield, though it would be unfair to expect too much from him so soon after returning from a long term injury.

Watson as always, is key. Jobe is our workhorse, he may not have flashy runs down the middle of the ground, but without him, we would barely touch the ball. Watson is our contested possession and clearance king. He has more hardball gets than Jenna Jameson. Our midfield relies on him to feed the ball out from under the pack and congestion, out into open space and then our runners such as Lovett get the chance to put their foot down legally for once.

Defense

Dempsey makes a welcome return from injury. His run and carry off the half back flank was sorely missed against Geelong. Impressive young defenders Fruitbasket (Pears) and Prostitute (Hooker) will take the two most dangerous forwards. At the moment whoever these two are is not fully known. Adelaide’s forward line is an enigma. Lacking a legitimate power forward, or official go to man for some time, Adelaide has relied on midfielders and a different forward bobbing up with a bag each week to win them games the past few years. Walker took out a bag and the Rising Star nomination last week, and will warrant a look at.

The Bottom Line

Will we win? I say yes. The Jekyll and Hyde nature of the EFC this year has been the cause of much despair, however I have a feeling it will be the good Doctor who turns up this Sunday afternoon at Jihad stadium.

Bombers by 28 points